someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
