Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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