there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
