i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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