Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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