Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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