Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
