we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
