Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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