I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
