I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
