Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
