I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
