yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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