I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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