Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
