Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
