You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
