I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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