Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
