Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
