I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
