Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
