Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
