Don't you send me to vm
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
