did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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