i just sent this text using only my big toe
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
