I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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