Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
