I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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