seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
