Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
