I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
