Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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