We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
