Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
