There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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