I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
