real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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