your parents love me but you hate me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
