I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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