So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
