the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Couch. On fire.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
