Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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