I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
