he thought i was a dude.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
