On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
