I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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