I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
