I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
