so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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