the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
