fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
