I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
