You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
