Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
